A rambling on age...

What an interesting time to be alive and reasonably young and healthy. OK, it's my birthday and I am fixating a touch on it and my age.

A friend this morning said that we actually have several ages to which I come out as follows:

Chronologically Biologically Mentally Psychologically

45 30ish 25ish 16

I remember 20 years ago, does not seem that long ago, that my friends were tormenting me about being a "quarter-century old" and I thought they were nuts and now I am starting to push the next quarter. I never did understand the fixation with age.

Considering how much grief I have put this body through over the years, I aam impressed with how well it is handling the wear and tear. I never thought I would make it to 18 and to have made 45 was inconceivable until a few years ago.

I am beginning to understand the comment that youth is wasted on the young though. I think that is as much the fault of the progenitors as it is the young. What stresses were the young put under and is it really that big of a surprise that they would spend a lot of it in sometimes questionable ways? We taught them to fear and to be ashamed of what they are and we wonder why they rebel? Just how blind are we to the reactions to our actions?

Age is about a measurement of time in this particular classroom called life and doesn't really mean much unless you want it to. I think I will just ignore it for a bit longer, say 400 years and see how I feel then.

This has been a VERY strange week of sorts.

I am down to 10 days till the end of the job and I still feel jazzed about it most of the time. I have the occasional moment of doubt, but who wouldn't? It passes and those moments are few and far between.

Last Thursday was stranger than usual, I was at work and my manager said that she and the GM needed to have a talk with me later in the afternoon, say around 4 to 4:30. No problem... Then SHE shows up, the dreaded HR lady that has a reputation of not coming down from on high, aka corporate, unless a head is about to roll.

I thought I was going to be getting out of the job 2 weeks early, but it was for someone else, I was spared. Gotta suck big time to be fired on April Fools.

They still have not replaced me, I hope the do so soon. I will feel awful if I leave them shorthanded, but I gave them 60 days notice, what more could they want?

Busy day tomorrow, breakfast meeting for more details on Club Inspire U and I'm going to scream my bloody head off if the site isn't up soon. I know the designer has been having difficulties with his servers, but we are less than 2 weeks from out premier and I still see the "Coming Soon" page I put up. ARGH!

I have a phone session at 10:30 and then I have to go to West Hollywood for another meeting with a friend about marketing ideas. I feel so official, I'm going to be marketed... Gads!

While I'm there, WeHo, I'm going to stop by and see if M is at work and if so, muster up the courage to ask him out on a date. I'm more afraid of that then being self-employed in this economy, now just what does that tell you?

Night!

The Beginnings of Recovery

11:00

OK, so something is up... The Universe is conspiring something and I find I am looking forward to seeing what.

I woke up and decided to wear my Buddha shirt to my breakfast with K and R. Afterward I had planned to go over to the Grind or Library and do some writing. During breakfast I asked R what he was doing today and what route he was planning to take. On a spur of the moment decision I decided to go to Lake Shrine. I LOVE it here!

SoCal in February and I could actually get away with shorts and a T-shirt but I am dressed a bit more appropriately. Am I slipping into respectability?!?

Something has been weighing on my heart for a while and I have been in such a funk and verging on depression. I think I will spend the day relaxing and meditating to see what it is I am missing.

I have chosen a great spot to start with, I'm on the landing between the windmill and the waterfall (I never noticed it before). One of the swans just scared the daylights out of me... I suddenly had him(?) swim by and start flapping his wings like crazy, really changed the mood suddenly, but he seems to have settled down for now.

Just being here makes me feel better, I am not exactly peaceful within but I can feel the peace without and may be able to take some of it home. I miss peace at hime. Maybe I can find what it is that I am missing there, it has gone from sanctuary to something else but I can still feel its potential to be otherwise.

There is a turtle that keeps swimming by, almost as if he's keeping an eye out for me and making sure I am OK.

Just taking the day here will at least charge my batteries a bit, they are nearly empty. I have been so disconnected and just drifting on the currents of my life. I feel like I have been trying to steer currents to a destination of my choosing but I forgot or lost my rudder... I will remedy that!

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17:50 aka 5:50 PM

I took a short break from Lake Shrine at noon to make a Communicator call for my Landmark Series, it was the shortest call I have done so far, but it seemed pretty good. I went back in and walked around the lake and stopped in the chapel to meditate for a while.

While I was meditating, a gentleman who had been meditating in the front of the room got up to leave and I could not help but giggle a bit. He was wearing a leather motorcycle outfit and trying SO hard to be quiet and not disturb others, but the harder he tried the noisier he was.

I took some nice photos of the area and will put them on Facebook when I get home.

I finally left about 2:00 and while grabbing some lunch, had an amazing conversation with my Dad that lasted almost 90 minutes. It was unlike anything we have had in the past, no judgments on either side, just two people having a conversation about whatever came up. Those who read my blog entries are likely aware of the difficulties I have had in the past with my dad, not today.

I stopped of at 212 Pier, probably one of the COOLEST coffee houses I have ever been to, to type up and finish this entry, I am beginning to think I may have picked up a bit of a sunburn today, I have that radient heat feeling you get with an minor burn. Oh well, if that is the cost of such an amazing day, COOL!!!!

I am feeling better than I have in months, I may just be about ready for my meeting at work on Thursday and the repercussions in 60 days. Viva le Spiritgeek!

Note:
This entry was cross-posted to both the Spiritgeek Blog and the Personal Journal.

It's been a few days and things have been hectic. I have just been a bit negligent and there is no real reason. Just being lazy.

One thing about breaking a resolution, they only stay permanently broke if you want them to. It can always be reinstated and followed through on. So here we go with the second attempt.

Hey, I had to quit smoking three times before it stuck and I still have a craving every once in a while. Occasionally, I will get hit with a craving and see some hot guy smoking and I'm thinking I should french kiss him just to suck the smoke out of his lungs. Kinky and funny, but a touch strange...

Going to bed and getting ready for Grammy weekend...